The Greatest Survival Skill Known to Human Kind

You know when you're a fabulous young thing? You have a waist, minimum effort at uni produces passing results, you can go out all night and get up still looking your age. The world just seems to keep your cup full. I look back at myself and think wow, youth really is wasted on the young.

So I realize as I look back over the last seven years or so that I may have traded off a few things: energy, sleep-in's, the ability to stay awake past 10pm, energy, the skill to contribute to interesting conversation, nice skin, new clothes and my waist..... But I have gained the greatest skill of all human skills (besides pushing a living human being out of a keyhole...) I Can Multi-Task like a Mother Fucker!!!!

And this, my friends, is what surviving families in the modern era are built upon. Not to overstate the fact, but a mother who can mutli-task is the difference between the survival of her family and her sanity, and the alternative... (wine for breakfast.)

These are the facts to hand, as I have self-studied over the past few days:

1. If you cannot tie the kids' shoe laces and go to the toliet simultaneously, you WILL NOT get out the door on time in the morning.

2. If you cannot wash the dog who is desperately trying to escape and untangle your young son from a long piece of rope wrapped about his person at the same time, someone WILL GET INJURED.

3. If you cannot listen to both children and the traffic report on the radio simultaneously, you will drive into road works and you WILL NOT make it to assembly on time.

4. If you cannot make 5 rounds of sandwiches, police the eating of cornflakes and drink your coffee at the same time, someone will MISS A NUTRITIOUS MEAL.

5. If you cannot ponytail your daughter and brush your teeth simultaneously, you're a BEGINNER!

6. If you cannot talk on the phone in your lap, drive the car, tune the radio and break up a fight in the back seat, you are a DANGER on the road. FOCUS!

7. If you cannot cook dinner, bath the kids, empty the garbage bins, lock away the pet ducks, feed the dog, top up your wine glass, listen to husband, and check facebook all at the same time, then GOOD LUCK to you.

Big salute to all the Mummies out there who are making it all look so easy but who are paddling like hell under the water. Respect.