50 Shades of Bitch....

Example of conversation when my husband went back to work on Monday this week:

Colleague: So, how was your weekend?

TDH: Yeah, OK. I got to see both my wives this weekend.

Colleague: Huh?

TDH: Yeah I have 2 wives. Christine and Darthveena.... they both live in the same body, one is my normal wife and the other is an evil mutant witch who sometimes posses her and make my life a complete living nightmare.

Colleague: Ah. Right. OK. So.... I'll catch you later yeah?

True story. Or at least veeeery likely to be a true story.

So I had one of those days on the weekend, you know where you're pretty sure everyone is out to make you flip your lid. When you're sailing really close to the edge of what is normal and sane. Some people call is PMS, I like to call it 50 Shades of Bitch, cause let's face it, that's what it is....

YOU tell ME, are these the actions of a sane woman?

1. When I went to find a scrap of paper to jot down these ideas, all the pieces seemed way to small and annoying, which made me HURL my pen across the room. (Mid flight, I actually hoped it might smash the window.....)

2. The brown papery skin on the onions, which is unnerving at the best of times, lets face it, was sticking to my fingers and flying all over the kitchen floor and almost caused me to become COMPLETELY UNHINGED.

3. I couldn't find my mobile phone - I didn't actually need it, but the frustration almost caused me to fling myself on the floor... I actually looked around for a space big enough. My husband caught a proper mouthful of venom for the missing phone - he found it (irritatingly), just where I had left it. Idiot.

4. I overheard my husband speaking in hushed and urgent tones to the children in the bath: "quickly, quickly mop up this mess before mum see's....... quick guys, please!" I'd go so far as to say he was pleading..... what did he think would happen???

5. My friends called and said I should go spend the evening with them, to give my family a BREAK..... they even offered to tie me up if I got "feral". When I asked hubby what he thought about my going, he sat very quiet and still and avoided my gaze for some reason.....

6. When I presented Mr 3 with grilled cheese on toast for lunch, and he had the AUDACITY to complain, I got down to his eye level and said in a perhaps overly sinister voice:
"Mister. You. Are. Dancing. With. The. Devil!"
(To which he replied "What?")

So...... I have another 44 examples of things which completely INCENCED me on Saturday. If I am very honest, they might not have been necessarily reasonable situations in which it would have been appropriate to mame someone - which I didn't.
But thank FECK I only get PMS about once a year - when I do though, Darthveena is a Halloween Spectacular.