Waddaya Mean A Heart Full of Chaos?

Miss 8 noticed I was blogging the other day and read over my shoulder and asked ..... "what is chaos?"
I told her it's like when everything is in disarray and all over the place and out of control.
"Oh." She said. (I may have lost her at disarray.....)
"Whose heart is full of chaos then?"

Which brings me to today's topic....... Waddaya mean A Heart Full of Chaos??

When I had little babies, actually before I had little babies, I knew just what kind of mother I would be. We all know before they're born don't we?
How do we know? Cause we learn it in the 'What to expect.....' books.

Same as we learn exactly what kind of birth we would like to order..... " Um, I'll have the water birth, thanks. With a side of hypnotic whale sounds, and can I have it on a bed of lavender infused sacrum rub please? Thanks, and I'll have the fast, tear free version without the medical intervention."

Bull. Shit.

That's where my "problems" started.
You think you're in control.
You're not.
Not then, at the birth.
Not when they come home.
Sure as hell not when you want to dress them like the funky little mini me's you think they'll be.
Or when you want to feed them sweet potato....

And so the reality that ensues feels decidedly like Chaos.

Well it did for me.
It wasn't and isn't at all as I'd planned.
My order got totally stuffed up in the kitchen.

Where's my Koombiya, all natural fabric, organic, quinoa and kale loving baby?? And WHY DO I STILL LOOK PREGNANT???????????

Once I got my breath back (when they turned 4 and 7), I realized that this isn't chaos, its just chaos compared to the vision I had envisaged with my VISIONLESS GOGGLES!

Its the new normal.

So I have learned to operate at a chaotic level.

I don't pay bills on time.
I often need to drag my kids grocery shopping, although I am a stay at home mum.
My petrol light is always flashing.
My family frequently dig through clean, dirty and not-quite-dry washing to find items of clothing.
I have to borrow change from my kids.
I cant plan more than two days in advance.
I am spontaneous which often bites me on the ass, even if it creates fun at the time.

I don't think I can operate any other way.

When I had children, my heart filled up with love and chaos and now its just my new normal.

Was I like this before I had kids....? Who the fuck knows.
Best thing to remember is my kids don't know any different, and they are doing better than fine, they're awesome. And that means Im happy. Win-win.
I like to think they're gaining life skills, being raised by a Registered Chaotic.

Someone told me recently I seemed like I had it altogether....
My reply? Smoke and mirrors, baby, smoke and mirrors.

xxxxxx