50 Shades of Bitch....

Example of conversation when my husband went back to work on Monday this week:

Colleague: So, how was your weekend?

TDH: Yeah, OK. I got to see both my wives this weekend.

Colleague: Huh?

TDH: Yeah I have 2 wives. Christine and Darthveena.... they both live in the same body, one is my normal wife and the other is an evil mutant witch who sometimes posses her and make my life a complete living nightmare.

Colleague: Ah. Right. OK. So.... I'll catch you later yeah?

True story. Or at least veeeery likely to be a true story.

So I had one of those days on the weekend, you know where you're pretty sure everyone is out to make you flip your lid. When you're sailing really close to the edge of what is normal and sane. Some people call is PMS, I like to call it 50 Shades of Bitch, cause let's face it, that's what it is....

YOU tell ME, are these the actions of a sane woman?

1. When I went to find a scrap of paper to jot down these ideas, all the pieces seemed way to small and annoying, which made me HURL my pen across the room. (Mid flight, I actually hoped it might smash the window.....)

2. The brown papery skin on the onions, which is unnerving at the best of times, lets face it, was sticking to my fingers and flying all over the kitchen floor and almost caused me to become COMPLETELY UNHINGED.

3. I couldn't find my mobile phone - I didn't actually need it, but the frustration almost caused me to fling myself on the floor... I actually looked around for a space big enough. My husband caught a proper mouthful of venom for the missing phone - he found it (irritatingly), just where I had left it. Idiot.

4. I overheard my husband speaking in hushed and urgent tones to the children in the bath: "quickly, quickly mop up this mess before mum see's....... quick guys, please!" I'd go so far as to say he was pleading..... what did he think would happen???

5. My friends called and said I should go spend the evening with them, to give my family a BREAK..... they even offered to tie me up if I got "feral". When I asked hubby what he thought about my going, he sat very quiet and still and avoided my gaze for some reason.....

6. When I presented Mr 3 with grilled cheese on toast for lunch, and he had the AUDACITY to complain, I got down to his eye level and said in a perhaps overly sinister voice:
"Mister. You. Are. Dancing. With. The. Devil!"
(To which he replied "What?")

So...... I have another 44 examples of things which completely INCENCED me on Saturday. If I am very honest, they might not have been necessarily reasonable situations in which it would have been appropriate to mame someone - which I didn't.
But thank FECK I only get PMS about once a year - when I do though, Darthveena is a Halloween Spectacular.

Happy Monday's....

God I love Mondays.

Serious. Love 'em.

Its the day both my kidlets are in school and TD&H is at work.

I like to call it my "Catch Up and Recover Day".
Not really, but I like the sound of it, I might call it that from now on.

Its pretty great to have a Monday flying solo. After the weekend, whether we have been running around being busy, social and fabulous, or we have stayed at home the whole time, lets face it - the house is a tip. And the fridge is empty. And the washing basket is overflowing AGAIN......
There is just something that makes it all OK when you know by 9.30 on Monday morning you have the quiet and the head space to carefully assess ground zero and then sit in your garden and get stuck into your coffee and blogging in Peace!!

Speaking of weekends, I have observed recently just how medicinal they can be.
We just had a weekend packed solid with friends, food, get-together's, gardening, sunshine, celebrations, and I just feel so damned energized from it all.
My poor kids had their eyes hanging out of their heads this morning, but we all had such a beautiful two days. It really is therapeutic to down tools and hang out.

Especially if you have a Seksy Solo Monday to catch up on all the other stuff.
Happy Monday to you all!!

Genius.... I say we should all do it!

Reality Check

I have noticed so many people writing about their miseries lately......

My iphone charger is broken....... grrrrrrrr!!!!

There wasn't enough sauce on my Subway today..... grrrrrrrrr!!!!

I had to wait three minutes for a cab this morning....... grrrrrrrrrr!!!!

I kicked my toe and my Manolo Blahnik got scuffed....... grrrrrr!!!

I say,  Dudes!!!!
You're lucky to have iphone chargers, sandwiches, cab money and fancy shoes.

Then I realized as annoying as those petty things are, I moan too. Quite a bit really....
About my housework, the washing, the kids, small wine glasses, TDH (tall dark and handsome), traffic, cooking dinner, being tired, dishes, the dog, the ducks, the weather..... and I say DUDE!!!
Get a grip!

And THEN I think: No, Frig it. I can moan. We all can. You know why? Cause shit happens.
You just have to be really careful to balance out your venting with Gratitude.
Why?
Firstly, cause it makes you less of a winger, secondly cause it creates Karmic balance and thirdly cause You Is Blessed, right?

Its the old adage of glass half full or half empty.
Your glass may be half empty (and believe me I feel your pain) or even three quarters empty, but surely, SURELY you got just a little dribble in that glass to drink (aka blessings to count)???

If all else fails, look someone you love in the eye - your kids if have some (even if they're being little turds) and just think about how lucky you are to have that person in your life.
 
Alternatively, think how good it would feel to kick them in the shins....;) Just THINK it, dont Do it.....

Merry Friday Peeps!!!

Thursday Giggle

 

LOL!! There is just something about the phrase 'Pie Hole' that gets me every time.... :)

Genuine Question for y'all.....

OK, so you know I struggle with the "domestic" side of the Stay at Home Mum gig a bit (like a one-legged trapeze act).
What I am wondering is, do you think my chores list for today is:

a) Normal
b) Lazy ass
c) Selfless and bordering on over-doing it.

Here it is:

*Make beds (I don't do this regularly but I'm toying with the idea it might help the place look tidier with minimum effort.)
*Empty all the inside bins (one can only put this off for so long....)
*One load of washing (cant commit to drying it or putting it away....)
*One medium size shopping trip (done that already!! :)))))

How does that compare with your average day of jobs?