A Heart Full of FAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!!!!

Yes folks, if you read my last post, you will know that the title of this post ^ ^ ^ ^ herewith does indeed mean that the results I had been awaiting last week, were in fact, Shitty News.

Last Friday at about 5pm my already slightly pear shaped world moved ever so slightly closer to 'The Dogs.'

You know when a surgeon comes into the reception area and looks at you and the only other patient, and says "Christine, I'll see you last, today......." Its unlikely to be a celebratory consultation. It is fair to hedge your bets that it wont be a quick, light hearted delivery of stress relieving news. And you can bet your left leg that he isn't saving you for last cause it'll be over real quick.

Nope, in fact what is likely to occur is something this:

Dr Tits: (no eye contact, shuffling pile of papers on desk) So, Christine, how are you?
Me: I don't know, how am I?
Dr Tits: Well, I'm afraid its not good news.
Me: No kidding. (am I going to throw up?? maybe.....)
Dr Tits: I'm sorry to tell you but the Pathology report (the afore mentioned pile of papers) has come back showing that the cancer is in fact widespread throughout the breast and (YADDA YADDA YADDA) Invasive cancer was found to be present (YADDA YADDA YADDA) Mastectomy (YADDA YADDA YADDA) Chemotherapy (YADDA YADDA YADDA) As soon as possible. (Yadda.........)

Hm.

Did. Not. See. That. Coming.

I notice that people, including Dr. Tits have stopped telling me I'm lucky.
Frickin' right, UN-bloody-Lucky more like!

Now, I have never been a 'Why Me' type of person.
I never asked the question when Cancer struck down my beautiful Mum so young.
And I'm not asking it now.
Why Not Me?
Its going to have to be someone, might as well be me.
Luck of the Draw.
I have never felt like a victim in any of this, but you know what? I will be Struck Down by an angry travelcade of infectious sword wielding Malignancies before anyone takes anything from my children.

FUCK. THAT.

You leave my children out of this, and that means You have chosen the wrong girl, Asshat.
You can take my Boobs but you CANNOT TAKE MY KIDS' MUM.

NO.

Besides that little bit Angry Warrior Queen in me, my heart feels...... quiet.

I feel calm and well resourced.
I am dealing with this in practical terms. Appointments, schedules, surgeons, oncologists, cup-sizes....
I am surrounded by a super powered band of Angels who are helping me and holding me up every step of the way.
I am well placed to deal with this ( I don't really fancy the word 'Fight' either...)

Other words I don't like so far in Cancer Land : Brave, battle and journey (PUKE!)

This isn't a journey, I was already on a journey, this is a detour, a glitch in the journey.
And soon enough, I will be back on the original journey.

With a killer new sets of Boobs :)