Something funny, but not

Hey you know that old adage, dont text or facebook when youre drunk?
(Sister K...?)

Well the same should be said for when you have para-military steroids pumping through your body.

But hey ho.
I am feeling bullet proof after having chemo today and I have some decent mind and body altering chemicals on board to help me not feel the cell destroying chemicals I have on board.

Also, I just read this thingy that said 'Bloggers should write something each day that scares them'

Sweet.

But I dont really call myself a blogger, per-say, I call my self a "blogger".
See the difference?
I don't get paid to promote products. That's the main difference.
The other difference is that I write, like every month.... (Blushing face)

(See a REAL blogger would know how to insert a blushing face pic....)

So back to the topic - writing about something that scares me.

I have a topic.
My disfigured self.
It scares me cause its not funny and you might not like it so I should not write it and what you will or not say in the comments section worries me.

I'll keep it brief.

I said to husband last night, who I was once again in the full-nude-in-front-of .....(its hard to avoid with one bathroom)
"Who'd have thought a year ago, I would look like this?"

We laughed.

It wasn't funny.

I am quite literally transformed.

I am bald, and more "plush", I have several man-made parts residing inside my skin including a protruding button in my chest (chemo port), and about 50,000 scars.

I am..... different.
And that is confronting.
For me, for him and for people I know, and dont know.

If I was just me, up a tree in the forest I would be bothered not at all.
But I am not not.
I live in a society where people feel dreadful for me when I don't wear make up and a hat.
I don't mind, but I would rather people think I look fine than "Oh shit, is she dying?"

It's not forever.
I am lucky compared to so many.
I am Sooooooooo lucky.

I am so different but so lucky.

Does that make sense?

xxxx