Go F#$% yourself 35

So, its been a while since I wrote but I'm back with a good'in'.

Its my birthday tomorrow.
I just want to go over a few facts as to why I am glad that my 35th year is over.

As if you dont know..... well maybe there are some things you don't know.

I am so glad my 35th year is over.
It was the WORST year of my otherwise blessed life to date but some great things happened too:

1.) I feel like I stopped grieving for my Mum.
Don't get me wrong, every time I need her or remember how bloody funny she was, my heart breaks and fills up with chaos. Her absence still takes my breath away.
But I think I turned a corner where my heart was less under the shadow of losing my Mum, and more able to carry on without my greatest teacher and biggest fan.

2.) I have a new level of respect for my husband. (You know I don't normally blog about T,D&H)
He quit smoking this year.
I am so proud of him for doing this. He has taken a massive step towards what I would regard as ensuring my children may not become orphans. (I only think that when I'm being a massive drama queen, but it's true.... isnt it?)

3.) My sister has become a nurse and works in a palliative care ward where she helps people to die with dignity and minimal pain. That is a job only the most humane and compassionate people could do and I cant believe that my baby sister has become such a living angel. The pride overwhelms me.

4.) My children have blossomed into people with early war-wounds.
They don't realize it but having lived a year with a Mum fighting breast cancer has given them stripes. They have experienced fear, grief, despair, uncertainty and enormous love and communal nurturing. They dont know it, but this experience has put them in great stead to face future challenges and I am already so speechless at the little humans they are shaping up to be.

5.) I have met more people who are going to die soon this year than most people will meet in their lives.
Funny thing about cancer. I really cant even count the women I have met this year who will definitely die in the foreseeable future.
Now, I grant you, this doesn't belong in a list of great things..... but if you saw them and heard them and experienced what a dying person does on a day to day basis when she is living on borrowed time, you too would count this as a blessing.
Un. Be. Freaking. Lievable.

6.) I have what has been described as "Common or Garden Variety Brest Cancer".
I am not going to bore you with the details but, believe me, this is GREAT news.

7.) Chemo is OVER!!!!!!!

8.) I got a very real picture of how much I mean to my family. You probably never get a full idea of how much you mean to your dad and the rest of family til you have to tell them you have cancer. It gives you real perspective on how much they love you. Which in my shittiest year - 35th - is a lot.

That's enough.
You get the point.
I am counting my blessings BIG STYLE and I am bringing in 36 with champagne, friends, family, new beginnings, hope and lots of love and gratitude.

Thank you beautiful readers and supporters for following my little blog.

Christine. xxx