The neurotic parenting dilemma that's knotting my knickers is a pretty hot topic for folks of my age and generation.
Unlike teenagers and early twenty-types, we are not technology natives yet we are immersed in it for pleasure and for work and for socializing.
Unlike them, also we are (broadly speaking) raising children.
Unlike the empty-nesters, who are also catching on and using technology in every day life, we are trying desperately to find that balance between the extensive use of technology in our homes, our lives (sometimes at out dinner table), and the less connected way in which we were brought up.
We are the last generation to remember the world pre-internet, pre-smart-phone, pre-playstation.
The good old days.
The days when families had conversations.
The days when a chat with friends didn't revolve around what we've both already read on FaceBook.
The days of backyard cricket.
Board games, tree climbing, lego, painting, mud, cubby houses, marbles, BOOKS!!!!!!
Y'know?
I know I'm sounding like every grown up through history... "In My Day" but bear with me.
I know there is such a thing as balance.
And I'm trying, I really am.
But I am pannicked that the delights of childhood are being neglected and I worry about my kids becoming..... Boring.
This all comes off the back of a talk I heard on the wireless (ha ha!)
from a guy who had pinpointed the fear we have developed of allowing out children to get bored.
He spoke about how much imaginative play and discovery and mischief had been born from having "nothing to do" in his childhood.
I want that for my kids.
I want them to have ideas, and imagination, and initiative!
I know there are technological devices which claim to encourage these things but its not the same.
Then I wonder if this really IS preparing them for the real world - maybe being mindless morons who stare at screens all the time is exactly where we are all heading.
The other thing he spoke about was out modern day fear of allowing our kids to get hurt.
Note: he did say 'hurt', and not 'maimed'.
I couldnt agree more with him.
Anyone reading this will know that I am a pretty hands-off mum.
I let my kids climb on stuff and hang upside down and play where I cant always see them.
They learn.
And they become resilient.
And guess what?
Pretty much, they have never once broken their skulls or been abducted from our front garden.
We are so damn controlling. And so much of it comes from fear.
I know we are supposed to protect our baby's but what are we protecting them from?
What are the chances of a shattered collar bone?
I KNOW it happens.
But HOW OFTEN????
WHAT ARE THE ODDS????
Surely the trade off of freedom and discovery and childhood memories of running free are worth rethinking the restraints we place on kids "learning the hard way".
Now I realize it sounds like the way I am doing things is what I believe to be the right way.
But actually its the opposite.
I'm all like, HELP!!!
I'm stuck between the old world and the new world and I dont know how to make it just right for my children who I want so desperately to have wonderful childhoods and also to grow up to change the world for the greater good!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I want to put them in front of the telly when they are shitting me to tears, but I want them to sit up at dinner and speak eloquently about their day at school.
I want them to be fluent and skilled on the computers in the classroom but I want them only to read paper books and do puzzles in their spare time at home.
I know a family who have a 10 and an 8 year old boy.
They have no television and they have no computer type games in the house.
They play musical instruments for fun, are both very talented at drawing and they live by the beach, where they like to surf.
If I had my way, I would mold my household to be more like that.
But I do love to flop in front of the telly with my husband sometimes (sometimes I hate it) and, like I said, its also a great babysitter.
So what is the upshot?
I have come with a problem, but I was taught to also turn up with a solution.
The answer......
It's me.
I have to expose them to the delights I feel they might enjoy and which will enhance their lives.
I have to follow my gut with regards to allowing them freedom whilst remaining safe.
And I have to set an example with screen time and the way in which I use technology.
How many of my waking hours do I want to invest in FaceBook?
Do I want to teach my children that its ok to have a conversation with me while scrolling a phone screen???
Terrible habits set terrible examples.
And when it comes back to bite me on the ass, it will be MY FAULT.
So the crux of it all, I have decided, is that I should live my life in a way that sets an example of a balanced, happy, well-rounded, creative, thinking person and hope that my children can make choices based upon what they are exposed to.
Right.... no big deal.
I can do that....... I think.......
Stage One: you wont be seeing me on Facebook much in the next little while.
Great suggestion from a very smart friend, I'm going to try it too.
Lots of love.
xxx
YES YES YES!!! This post couldn't be more timely. Billy and I are discussing how we want to raise our little mr bump, and you have hit on the values (yes, VALUES) that we want to have instilled in our little boy. I remember Richard and I would climb a particular tree in our back yard. My mom would always say 'be careful' but never stopped us from actually doing it. one day I fell out of the tree, onto my back and winded myself so badly I thought I was dead. I knew I was alive because instead of worrying about me being broken, my concern was that I was in a skirt and that Steven (friend who happened to be there that day) could probably see EVERYTHING. Plus I was lying there sounding like a seal, and couldn't move my arms to check that my skirt was down. I LOVE that memory. I don't remember the pain, but I remember the event. AND I remember that it didn't stop me from climbing the tree again! I hope my kid has memories like that to tell. I cannot begin to imagine a story that starts with 'I remember when I was 9, I was playing playstation....' SNOOZE. I take great delight in watching Cecilia and Dieter raise Thom and Ben. You guys and those guys are going to be my go-to-guys as parenting role models. Keep taking us along on the journey!!! x x x
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