A Eulogy for my Eyebrows

For my formative years, I never even knew you were there.

You went about your purpose quietly and without fuss.

I thank you for the balance you sustained and the separation you maintained.

Then I became a teenager and I know now how wrong I was.

I attacked and mauled you, heeding no advice from those who knew better.....
Mum told me again and again
"Leave the bloody things alone, just leave them!"
But I thought I was clever, I thought you'd just keep up.

She knew.

She knew.

If only I had listened.

But we were able to repair our relationship over many, many years.
You grew in new directions and I learned to let you.
Always together and yet somehow apart, we got along better and better as we both matured and a relationship of respect was fostered.

Ie. I left you the hell alone.

Recently, though you found yourself under attack from within.
The ravages of Chemical Therapy appeared to have been forgiving on you and you held on with resolution and seemed to stand when others - seemingly stronger - fell.

But it seems that even the mighty will fall when saturated tri-weekly with chemical warfare.
And your time has come.

The wise one inside me knows that you are a price that had to be paid.
A helpless victim, but a necessary evil.

But the superficial cow inside me is totes Bitchin'.

I cannot deny I have tried to replace you with synthetic imposters, nothing more than a grown up crayon, a metaphoric band-aid if you will.....
They will have to do for now.

But I know we'll meet again.
Some day.
Somewhere.......... well, preferably in the old place.
Our place.

Goodbye.
My eyebrows.
Goodbye.

***Cue tears***

***not really cause I don't want to risk the ole eyelashes if you know what I mean***

Tips on getting the most out of 13 hours in a confined space with your loved ones...

Hey there.

So, as some of you may know, I just had a holiday with my family.
A road trip.
A pretty long one.
About 1040km I think.
Each way.

Looooong way.
In a car.
Me, Tall, Dark and Handsome, and the kids, Miss 7 and Mr 4.

This was the third time we have done this trip.
Suffice to say, I would call myself something of an expert.
(Or an idiot.....)

Either way, I have learned a few things, and here I present you with the top twelve things I think you should know before embarking on a long car trip with small children, if you are to have any chance of surviving or actually enjoying it:

1. Fly if you can.

2. Pre pack a husband who prefers to do all the driving himself as he doesn't trust anyone else (you) to drive...... but who will let you drive for an hour when you get very bored.
(And then will take over after 20 minutes when you're bored again.)

3. Pillows, lots of.
Sleep is a wonderful way to pass the time. You may also need ear plugs in the absence of doors which you can shut between you and your loved ones.

4. When the kids inevitably ask "Are we there yet?", answer in terms of Playschool episodes. IE. "6 episodes of Playschool til we get there".
I advise against this if you have more than 6 hours to go.... the idea of 12 episodes of Playschool will upset even the most avid young fan.

5. Do not discuss anything remotely controversial with your partner during the 13 hour drive. This is not the time for a tiff. There is nowhere to go and there can be no winners. Everyone loses when you have a disagreement and have to remain firmly side by side in close proximity for another 20 episodes of Playschool....

6. Pack tissues and plenty of water. They will get you out of most minor emergencies.
I forgot both this trip.... I did pack wet wipes which came in use for nothing, amazingly.

7. You will need to stop for petrol. Do so before the fuel light flashes. Nobody will assume any less of you if you fill up when there is still a quarter of a tank left. There are no medals for gliding into the fuel stop with 3km to spare. FYI, petrol stations on Australian highway's are between 86 and 200km apart, no car has that kind of reserve, and this situation can segue way you easily to point 5 ^ ^ ^.
You have been warned.

8. Learn the intricacies of Eye Spy, Spotto, Yellow Car, Spot What, and all their permutations.
Also, learn to enjoy them in their extended versions.
And be prepared to abandon the idea of fun family games if they become physical.
Perhaps pack a whistle....

9. Regardless of your attitude to small children and television, acquire a DVD player and screens.
Trust me, they will be the single greatest purchases of the year.... remember I have done the 1000km+ each-way-trip three times now.

10. Let go of any fears you have of you or your family appearing in public in pyjamas, ugg boots, beanies, sweat pants or with highly dishevelled hair. It will happen, but everyone along the way will look the same, so no big deal. You could potentially run into someone you know 400km from where you live (we have, more than once), but rest assured they will also look as though they just got off a 24 hour flight from Heathrow.

11. Toilet stop's: little boys can pee by the side of the highway, and little girl's can hold.
Drop any pretense about what you will or will not pee into.... its a jungle out there.
I personally cannot bear the thought of those eco-dunny's where you cant see the bottom and you cant hear your pee land....
But, you know, beggars, choosers and all that jazz...
It's character building.

12. Consider Point One carefully. ;-)

Happy holidays!!
Love!