Are you crazy? Did you just tell your kid "Good job!?"



Parenting trends change right?
Just as you're digesting the latest expert opinion on the most effective language to use with your new-born to achieve best chances for university entry, the game changes.

Have you heard recently we're not supposed to be telling our children "Good job" or "Well done"?

Apparently "Good job" is an overused phrase in our western culture.

Well, if you're taking that line, so is "Mum I drew you (another) rainbow."
Are we going to try and stamp that out too?

Apparently we're using "Good job" too often for non-noteworthy events like eating vegetables.
Apparently we're creating PRAISE JUNKIES.
What are we supposed to say to "Mum I drew you (anther) rainbow"??

"Meh...." and shrug?

Apparently now we need to be conversational in our observations..... "Timmy I liked the way you chewed up that piece of sausage, what magic will you weave with your peas? And what is your intrinsic motivation with your carrots tonight?"

Um, you don't think perhaps that might be creating a whole new brand of anxiety riddled neediness?

Apparently offering praise is manipulating children.
Um, isn't that just a dirty word for teaching them?

The new trend is, instead of saying "Good job tidying up those toys", we're supposed to engage our children in conversation about how much more smoothly the playroom will function now.....
I hope these experts have engineered a way to insert four extra hours into my day!

Apparently "Good job" tells a child how to feel.
And steals his pleasure....

Apparently 'Silence' is sometimes the correct response to your child's efforts.
Well on behalf of all the mothers I know.... WE'VE TRIED 'SILENCE', BELIEVE ME!

Gosh I bet child services are going to be busy in the immediate future, what with all this joy dilution going on.

One expert even asks "Do you find it encouraging or limiting when someone offers you a constant string of compliments?"

Well, I don't know about you, but it crushes my spirit. Every. Single. Time.

Hey Anxious Mum's! Ready for a whole new level of your favourite game: "You're Not Doing It Right"?????

Remember the good old days when you were a considered a good parent for sitting down on the floor and playing Lego with your kids, and weren't accused of psychologically damaging them if you didn't converse about the features and benefits of the physics within the engineering design of their constructions?

Yeah, me too. Lets go back to that, I was more comfortable there.

Waddaya Mean A Heart Full of Chaos?

Miss 8 noticed I was blogging the other day and read over my shoulder and asked ..... "what is chaos?"
I told her it's like when everything is in disarray and all over the place and out of control.
"Oh." She said. (I may have lost her at disarray.....)
"Whose heart is full of chaos then?"

Which brings me to today's topic....... Waddaya mean A Heart Full of Chaos??

When I had little babies, actually before I had little babies, I knew just what kind of mother I would be. We all know before they're born don't we?
How do we know? Cause we learn it in the 'What to expect.....' books.

Same as we learn exactly what kind of birth we would like to order..... " Um, I'll have the water birth, thanks. With a side of hypnotic whale sounds, and can I have it on a bed of lavender infused sacrum rub please? Thanks, and I'll have the fast, tear free version without the medical intervention."

Bull. Shit.

That's where my "problems" started.
You think you're in control.
You're not.
Not then, at the birth.
Not when they come home.
Sure as hell not when you want to dress them like the funky little mini me's you think they'll be.
Or when you want to feed them sweet potato....

And so the reality that ensues feels decidedly like Chaos.

Well it did for me.
It wasn't and isn't at all as I'd planned.
My order got totally stuffed up in the kitchen.

Where's my Koombiya, all natural fabric, organic, quinoa and kale loving baby?? And WHY DO I STILL LOOK PREGNANT???????????

Once I got my breath back (when they turned 4 and 7), I realized that this isn't chaos, its just chaos compared to the vision I had envisaged with my VISIONLESS GOGGLES!

Its the new normal.

So I have learned to operate at a chaotic level.

I don't pay bills on time.
I often need to drag my kids grocery shopping, although I am a stay at home mum.
My petrol light is always flashing.
My family frequently dig through clean, dirty and not-quite-dry washing to find items of clothing.
I have to borrow change from my kids.
I cant plan more than two days in advance.
I am spontaneous which often bites me on the ass, even if it creates fun at the time.

I don't think I can operate any other way.

When I had children, my heart filled up with love and chaos and now its just my new normal.

Was I like this before I had kids....? Who the fuck knows.
Best thing to remember is my kids don't know any different, and they are doing better than fine, they're awesome. And that means Im happy. Win-win.
I like to think they're gaining life skills, being raised by a Registered Chaotic.

Someone told me recently I seemed like I had it altogether....
My reply? Smoke and mirrors, baby, smoke and mirrors.

xxxxxx

10 things....

So... Hi.
I'm back, and just in case you don't know me from AH-FOC phase one I thought Id' write a post to introduce myself.
Lets call it an update.....
(PS how did I never notice the acronym AH-FOC???)

Thank you for following, I love to write but if I'm honest - and I am, I have lost my confidence a little with writing and hitting publish.... But, hey, who cares!????
Lets crack on.

My name is Christine, and here are ten things you may or may not know about me.

1. I thought I had a completely original idea when I decided to write a blog... I thought I was the only Mummy writing about the ups and downs and debilitating migraines of having kids. True story.

2. I love food. I try to be thin but its just not humanly possible and also its too boring. I am NOT a food expert but I may occasionally blog about food. Sorry. And also, you're welcome.

3. I am the proud mother to Miss 8 and Mr 5. I know you will learn along the way that they are highly amusing and I adore them, and also want to hide them in a pie. In equal measures.... well, maybe 60/40.

4. I studied at the Conservatorium in a former life and I am rediscovering my love of playing music.

5. I have a husband who can live with the fact that I pretty much know everything.... but he is Tall, Dark and Handsome and has a great sense of humour so doesn't really mind that about me. And I don't mind those annoying things about him.

6. I had breast cancer at the age of 35. I don't really blog about this per say, but you know, it happened and it was very real. I had a double mastectomy (BEFORE Angelina....) and chemo, and so it may crop up in blogs occasionally.

7. I am deeply passionate about wine and if you ever discover any genius wine related products, giggles or ACTUAL wine... you should totally share them here with me. I love wine like Augustus Gloop loved chocolate.

8. I LOVE to play netball. I am utterly awful at it but my beautiful team mates are fantastically accommodating about my being on the team and if I was half as good as I am passionate, I'd be an LA Laker.... oh no wait....

9. Travel, books and vegetarianism are genuine passions of mine, but I think you need to be an exceptional writer to make these things riveting.... having said that, after the occasional dabble in (point 7) I may find it appropriate to blog about any of the above.

10. I rarely sit on the fence and invite you to have good natured conversation with me about anything I write about here. Its a forum... where people are kind to each other, but speak freely.

love and chaos. xxxxxx