The lesson Miss 7 taught me this week

I had a massive wake up call this last few days.

I was stopped in my tracks and I forgot to breathe.

I realized as I looked into my daughters eyes, that she thought that I was cool.

It was both exhilirating and profound.
It was a moment I will never forget because I will always remember the moment my baby girl stopped being a baby girl and started being a woman in the making.

I am flawed daily by the wonder that is my Miss 7.
She is the single most perfect thing I have ever known.
(Dont get me wrong there she aint perfect but she is perfection..... y'know?)

The thing that struck me this time was that I want her to be amazing and happy and successful and kind and good and I want her to have wonderful influences........
And who is it that she looks at daily and learns from and models herself on and measures others against?

Holy snapping duck shit.......... its me.

I am the role model for this magnificent little girl.
I am the bar for her.
(Not that kind of bar - the bar that is set.)

We have started to play netball, she and I.
I am loving it for the social and fitness aspects, she is too.

But it is the first time she has seen me taking on a persuit that is purely selfish.
Not domestic, or for the good of my family or household. Just Me.
Goal Shooter.
Christine. Not Mum.

And she thinks its deadly.

We were watching a talent show on telly tonight and there was this extraordinary 44 year old mother who was pole dancing like an international gymnast.
And Miss 7 turns to me and says "You should do that Mum."

AS IF!!!

But the point was that she really thought I could... she thought I might.

She believes in me and she thinks I am great and that I can do anything.

(She knows I cant always remember my keys but, y'know....)

She has seen me slide down the hideous slippery slope of chemo and she is seeing me climb back up.

Her clear blue eyes staring at me saying "why not"??? are all I need to remember and it makes me want to be better.

I really want her to be proud of me. I want her to think I am cool like I have never wanted anyone to think that ever....

So I feel affirmed of something I felt the day she was born.... that she would make me the best I can be.

Thanks baby girl. xxx

The very simple hands-free, hands-off, happy children Mummy Technique.....

I've been having a minor lifestyle crisis lately, and two conversations I had this morning with friends' I respect enormously, have encouraged me to write this bloggy thingy.

The neurotic parenting dilemma that's knotting my knickers is a pretty hot topic for folks of my age and generation.

Unlike teenagers and early twenty-types, we are not technology natives yet we are immersed in it for pleasure and for work and for socializing.
Unlike them, also we are (broadly speaking) raising children.

Unlike the empty-nesters, who are also catching on and using technology in every day life, we are trying desperately to find that balance between the extensive use of technology in our homes, our lives (sometimes at out dinner table), and the less connected way in which we were brought up.

We are the last generation to remember the world pre-internet, pre-smart-phone, pre-playstation.

The good old days.
The days when families had conversations.
The days when a chat with friends didn't revolve around what we've both already read on FaceBook.
The days of backyard cricket.
Board games, tree climbing, lego, painting, mud, cubby houses, marbles, BOOKS!!!!!!

Y'know?
I know I'm sounding like every grown up through history... "In My Day" but bear with me.

I know there is such a thing as balance.
And I'm trying, I really am.
But I am pannicked that the delights of childhood are being neglected and I worry about my kids becoming..... Boring.

This all comes off the back of a talk I heard on the wireless (ha ha!)
from a guy who had pinpointed the fear we have developed of allowing out children to get bored.
He spoke about how much imaginative play and discovery and mischief had been born from having "nothing to do" in his childhood.

I want that for my kids.
I want them to have ideas, and imagination, and initiative!

I know there are technological devices which claim to encourage these things but its not the same.

Then I wonder if this really IS preparing them for the real world - maybe being mindless morons who stare at screens all the time is exactly where we are all heading.

The other thing he spoke about was out modern day fear of allowing our kids to get hurt.
Note: he did say 'hurt', and not 'maimed'.

I couldnt agree more with him.

Anyone reading this will know that I am a pretty hands-off mum.
I let my kids climb on stuff and hang upside down and play where I cant always see them.
They learn.
And they become resilient.
And guess what?
Pretty much, they have never once broken their skulls or been abducted from our front garden.

We are so damn controlling. And so much of it comes from fear.
I know we are supposed to protect our baby's but what are we protecting them from?
What are the chances of a shattered collar bone?
I KNOW it happens.
But HOW OFTEN????
WHAT ARE THE ODDS????

Surely the trade off of freedom and discovery and childhood memories of running free are worth rethinking the restraints we place on kids "learning the hard way".

Now I realize it sounds like the way I am doing things is what I believe to be the right way.
But actually its the opposite.
I'm all like, HELP!!!

I'm stuck between the old world and the new world and I dont know how to make it just right for my children who I want so desperately to have wonderful childhoods and also to grow up to change the world for the greater good!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I want to put them in front of the telly when they are shitting me to tears, but I want them to sit up at dinner and speak eloquently about their day at school.

I want them to be fluent and skilled on the computers in the classroom but I want them only to read paper books and do puzzles in their spare time at home.

I know a family who have a 10 and an 8 year old boy.
They have no television and they have no computer type games in the house.
They play musical instruments for fun, are both very talented at drawing and they live by the beach, where they like to surf.

If I had my way, I would mold my household to be more like that.

But I do love to flop in front of the telly with my husband sometimes (sometimes I hate it) and, like I said, its also a great babysitter.

So what is the upshot?
I have come with a problem, but I was taught to also turn up with a solution.

The answer......

It's me.

I have to expose them to the delights I feel they might enjoy and which will enhance their lives.
I have to follow my gut with regards to allowing them freedom whilst remaining safe.
And I have to set an example with screen time and the way in which I use technology.
How many of my waking hours do I want to invest in FaceBook?
Do I want to teach my children that its ok to have a conversation with me while scrolling a phone screen???

Terrible habits set terrible examples.
And when it comes back to bite me on the ass, it will be MY FAULT.

So the crux of it all, I have decided, is that I should live my life in a way that sets an example of a balanced, happy, well-rounded, creative, thinking person and hope that my children can make choices based upon what they are exposed to.

Right.... no big deal.
I can do that....... I think.......

Stage One: you wont be seeing me on Facebook much in the next little while.
Great suggestion from a very smart friend, I'm going to try it too.

Lots of love.
xxx