So there.... ;)

Decisions, decisions....

Help me out guys, I need a new handbag and these are the obvious two finalists... what do you reckon??

A gorgeous gift from a gorgeous friend

I got this book yesterday and have already cooked two dishes from it! I LOVE it. Could this be the trick to turn me into a domestic goddess???

I love these stick men, they wont let you not smile....

A Home Truth....

I love to observe how long my husband can stand and stare into the fridge when I have asked him to pass something out.... I say "love to" in the sense that it can actually reduce me to tears when, from the other side of the room, I can see the item on the top shelf, front and center and I have given him the location with the most specific co-ordinates (you know, in front of this, to the left of that...)

I have a theory hubby does it on purpose... possibly so I will stop requesting help with menial tasks.

Pleased to report that Mr 3 is looking to be developing the same sharpened sense of domestic savvy.

Mr 3: Where is my dinosaur?
Me: Its in the lounge room, on the big couch.
Mr 3: Where is the big couch?
Me: In the lounge room.
Mr 3: Where is the lounge room? (I am not making this up)
Me: (pointing) Right there in that room, where the couches are.
Mr 3: Couches?
Me: (trying not to cry) I'll get it for you.

I have a similar theory about my son.

How beautiful is this??

I am going to try and make this to hang in the vegetable garden. Another worthy distraction from housework..... ;)

Dont even TRY and read a book Mum...

An absolute truth for school holidays.

 

 

Holiday quiz....

Riddle me this Bat-Parents.....

How come children come home from school, often having had nothing but an ungrateful bite or two of sandwich, but on school holidays, its all, "Im hungry, I need something ELSE to eat.....Whats for lunch?.... What can I eat now?"

What the heck is that about hey?

Tired evening giggle....

You know you've married the right guy when you ask "Where is the plunger"??!!
And he passes you the lap top charger, which is actually what you were looking for....
Hmmmm.....

My final declaration in a day devoted to the anti-housework movement....

Give me a little thumb if you can guess the theme for today....

Theory of Housework......

This is my theory and I'm sticking to it.
I wonder how long I can ride the "It's ok to have a messy house when you have small children!" train???

I am trying to promote a few new snippets for when it becomes more obvious that my small children/messy house ratio is a little out of whack.

So, here we go, see if you can get these into wider circulation girls, it will benefit us all in the long run...

"It's ok to have a messy house when you're writing such a socially vital blog!"
"It's ok to have a messy house when your children are still living at home!"
"It's ok to have a messy house when you have obviously been working so hard on your tan!"

On the flip side I bought myself a new mop the other day. (On my birthday actually........)
And its so lovely and shiny new, it would be a shame to dirty it up by removing the protective plastic and getting it wet. ;)

Kids say the darndest things...

My favourite question of the week....

Mr 3: Mum, why do some roads and footpaths come to an end?
Me: (inner monologue) Whoa mumma, I am so not qualified to raise children.....


My favourite piece of wisdom for the week....

Miss 6: Hey Mum, did you know that lions and tigers have to Prey for their food?
Me: (inner monologue) Whoa, baby that is the cutest thing ever.

Geddit? Prey? Pray?
Hubby said "I hope you set her straight."
Me: "No way, too cute."

The sacrifice I am willing to make for this Blog...

The Great Happiness Hunt.....

Some days I dont write my blog because I have nothing interesting or amusing to say. I am kind of creatively flat lining.
Its the Blog version of a "duvet day."
Have you heard about those? Apparently in some parts of America, you get a quota of days called "duvet days". They aren't holiday, and they aren't sick days. They are days where you can wake up (probably on a Monday) and be completely honest with your boss and say "You know, I really don't fancy it today, I'm gonna give it a miss if you don't mind, and stay in bed today. Cheers. See you tomorrow."

I'm not sure what the purpose is exactly but they're freakin' genius. And I fully enforce them on my blog staff. (Thats just me, by the way.) I dont want the blog to feel like work, I want to continue enjoying her, I love her.( Although I DO want the blog to feel like work in that I could get paid to do it..... )

Some days I am so inspired by the ride I am taking with my children, I have to share. Hopefully you agree that they are both amusing and poignant at times. (If you dont agree, then please refer to yesterday's blog about being Wrong.)

Some days I just feel good and want to amuse my readers. Although having just tapered off my happy pills, who knows when that will happen again...

But SOMETIMES..... I read or hear something that tickles my silly bone.
Thats not a funny bone - different altogether.
My silly bone is the one that niggles me when I get wind of something I think is Silly. Or sometimes Stupid. Or Bonkers, or just plain Easy to Ridicule.

I have taken inspiration from this category today.
I was at the hairdressers today (thats not the silly part), and I read about The Happiness Project.
Now, I do realize that  according to the sales figures of this book, I am probably the only person in the world who hasn't read it.
And it is this barely-informed position from which I speak to you today.

The western world's obsession with being happy. Apparently it is something we all cant do without being told how.
The woman who started this "project" (I think she was also behind selling bottled air and the ab cruncher) is apparently an expert on 'the lessons from popular culture on how to be happy'. The journalist who wrote the article I read said "it feels like she is shaking her cheer-leading pom poms at your soul"...... Uh-huh. Right.
See the problem there is that wouldn't make me feel happy, it would make me feel irritated.
Do you know what else makes me feel irritated? Teaching people how to suck eggs.

Have we really come to this?
I know there have been 'Happiness' books around forever, (like since the 50's when women were allowed to have feelings coincidentally...) but apparently this isnt just a book - its a MOVEMENT.
GIVE. ME. STRENGTH.
To buy into this you would first need to believe that you are miserable. Well you wouldnt buy the damn book if you were allowing yourself to think you might already BE happy right?

Now, I am no expert on..... well, anything really, but I will tell you this
FOR FREE:
The secret to Happiness:
Work reeeeeeally hard at obtaining happiness, read sooooo many books on being happy, take yourself sooooo seriously that eventually you laugh.
When you get to the point at laughing at how ridiculous the Great Search for Happiness is, a cork will pop out of your ass and you stop believing the B.S. about how un-happy you are and how empty your life is and how you don't have enough money, time or possessions, and Ta-Daaaaa. You're Happy.

My advice for when you FORGET to be happy: go somewhere you can hear the birds singing, pour yourself a splendid glass of wine and count your blessings.
But please, PLEASE don't propel these potion-selling A-holes to the top of the NY times best-sellers list.
They should all take A LOT of duvet days and leave us all alone.

Sitting in Wrongness....

Oh my goodness, I laughed and laughed when I saw this.

My daughter Miss 6 complained to me the other day that Mr3 "thinks he's a grown up and thinks he knows everything!!!"
Well, for those of you who know my daughter, you'll be laughing now too.
And for those of you who don't, you should understand that she is a fourth generation Olympic world champion, unrivaled, tiara and sash wearing KNOW IT ALL of significant note.

My Nan tells me that I was the same (as if) and if I didn't know the answer to something then I simply made some shit up. But the words 'I don't know' just NEVER came out of my mouth.
I am pleased to say that obviously I have grown and matured and now I am happy to admit when I am wrong and to sit in my wrongess and be wrong.

It just hardly ever happens, that's all. ;)

Evidence Based Suspicion

Ok, I am sure that on more than one occasion, all mothers who spend extended periods alone with small children have felt they might possibly, probably, definitely be losing their minds. Sometimes it is just fleeting wisp of a thought but sometimes one finds oneself holding ones head in both hands and begging quietly for mercy....

Let me share with you my latest piece of evidence in the case of 'The Suspicion of the Lost Mind'.

It was a beautiful, sunny Spring morning. Mr 3 and I were at the park, side by side on the swings....
Me: Hey look, that man has heaps of dogs.
Mr 3: Where?
Me: Just there behind our car, wait a sec, you'll see him.
Mr 3: Where?
Me: There, next to our car.
Mr 3: Where?
Me: (wishing I had never bothered) Bud! Right there! Can you see our car? (pointing about 10 metres away)
Mr 3: Oh. Yeah.......... How many has he got?
Me: Three.
Mr3: Oh. Yeah............. Is that heaps?
Me: Well I think its quite alot.
Mr 3: It isnt.
Me: (stupidly soldiering on) He must really love dogs.
Mr 3: Why does he have so many dogs?
Me: I think he must really like dogs. (I had by this stage figured out that the dogs were from the dog refuge and were being walked by a volunteer, but I thought better of opening up that mind boggling  can of worms...)
 Mr 3: Orrrrrrrr..... maybe he really loved dogs when he was a little boy, and now he really doesn't like them, but he is taking them to his space ship!................... Mum?
Me: uh-huh.
Mr 3: Yes?
Me: yep
Mr 3: Yes?
Me: ok, bud!
Mr 3: Yes, Mum?
Me: Yes! Thats probably what it is mate..... (understandably defeated)
Mr 3: What did you say? Mum? Mum? What did you say? Mum?
Me: (through the tears) Lets go on the monkey bars.....

So you see your Honour, I have never really had a fighting chance of keeping hold of my Mind.
I am pushed and pulled and played-with and defeated at every turn.
 Being subjected to the evil genius that is the three-year-old mind for 8-10 hours a day, day after day could crush even the strongest resolution to stay sane.
Bless his cruel little heart.

Crafty Corner......

So, I made a couple of these for my kids for Christmas. I adapted the idea from somethig I saw at Howards Storage World. In my own typical fashion I went in to buy the things from the shop and they had of course sold out. This didnt really frazzle me as it happens to me ALL THE TIME. All part of being insanely indecisive when shopping....

Just in case you like the look of this I will talk you through the steps I took to make it. Of course, you could probably figure it out for yourself, but in the name of BLOGGING, I will pretend it was wildly difficult and explain it for you:

I bought the lazy-susan's in BigW, but they also have them at IKEA for the same price. They are made of bamboo. I think you can get them at Target in USA too.

The little buckets are from a hardware store, (I used little mesh metal pen holder cups for my daughter's one) you could use anything really but make sure they will fit on the lazy-susan in the configuration you want.

I used self adhesive velcro squares from hardware store to attatch buckets to susan. Although I didnt think of this at the time, but there are two good reasons for using velcro: you can take the buckets off to clean when someone spills a drink all over the whole thing, and also the kids will try spinning it at top speed, so anchoring is important.

I filled the containers with textas, pencils, mini-post-its. mini-stapler, paper clips, scissors, glue sticks, glitter pens etc. They love them, and they look really cute on their desks.
 
Word of Warning: as I said, I gave them to my kid's for Christmas and although they do love them now, there was some degree of confusion and disappointment on Christmas morning. Fair enough I suppose, they are sort of glorified pencil cases.... Happy crafting!

Game of Hats

One of the many hats I wear in the average day as a mother of two is that of a referee.

Its not my favourite hat. I much prefer the "having-a-great-time-baking-with-the-kids hat", (as opposed to the "why-the eff-do-I-persist-in-this-bloody-buggery-baking-nonsense hat"), or the "sitting-gracefully-in-the-sunny-garden-while-the-children-amuse-themselves hat".

But today, after school pick-up and both children were hysterical with exhaustion, I had to don my "referee" hat. Sometimes when I have to referee a game of 'Mutual Sibling Irritation' while I am driving, I have to cut straight to the big guns: threats, promises (not the good kind), round the back of the seat slaps which invariably miss the legs they're meant for, and of course my least favourite: shouting like a crazy lady.

So, today I was going through phase one of Back Seat Battle: you know, the phase where you dont actually pay any attention to the grievance and dish out a few "stop-that's" and cut-it-out's".
All of a sudden I have a Mr 3 going from zero to FREAK OUT!
"WHAT." I bark, "IS GOING ON??" (As though I wasn't in the car the whole time.)
"She wont LOOK!" shouts Mr 3.
Miss 6 is now giggling which of course infuriates Mr 3 even further.
"LOOK!"
"NO!"
"LOOK!"
"NO!"
"LOOK!"
"NO!"
"MUUUUUUUUUUUUM SHE WONT LOOK!"

Now, its a matter of survival to work these coded melt-downs out quick as you can....
 And so fairly suddenly I find myself having a first time experience: I am refereeing a game of  'Made You Look You Dirty Chook'.

If you haven't had this surreal experience, I highly recommend you keep you eye open for the opportunity. First, there is such a small repertoire of appropriate commands which one can issue to fix the situation. All I could think of was.... "Just Look Will You!" It really stretches your refereeing skills.

Well that was the end of me.
I could hardly see the road for the tears of laughter. Miss 6 had robbed Mr 3 of his big chance to declare her a chook...... What was I supposed to do? It was a Mummy-Refereeing dead end. I did feel sorry for him but in the grand scheme of things, what was the lesson I was supposed to impart on Miss 6? Just let him call you a chook, its good for his self esteem????

Very silly. And very jolly that a run-of-the-mill round of Mutual Sibling Irritation turned into the three of us racing for the loo, crying with laughter. Thanks Kids, you rock.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.......

The Greatest Survival Skill Known to Human Kind

You know when you're a fabulous young thing? You have a waist, minimum effort at uni produces passing results, you can go out all night and get up still looking your age. The world just seems to keep your cup full. I look back at myself and think wow, youth really is wasted on the young.

So I realize as I look back over the last seven years or so that I may have traded off a few things: energy, sleep-in's, the ability to stay awake past 10pm, energy, the skill to contribute to interesting conversation, nice skin, new clothes and my waist..... But I have gained the greatest skill of all human skills (besides pushing a living human being out of a keyhole...) I Can Multi-Task like a Mother Fucker!!!!

And this, my friends, is what surviving families in the modern era are built upon. Not to overstate the fact, but a mother who can mutli-task is the difference between the survival of her family and her sanity, and the alternative... (wine for breakfast.)

These are the facts to hand, as I have self-studied over the past few days:

1. If you cannot tie the kids' shoe laces and go to the toliet simultaneously, you WILL NOT get out the door on time in the morning.

2. If you cannot wash the dog who is desperately trying to escape and untangle your young son from a long piece of rope wrapped about his person at the same time, someone WILL GET INJURED.

3. If you cannot listen to both children and the traffic report on the radio simultaneously, you will drive into road works and you WILL NOT make it to assembly on time.

4. If you cannot make 5 rounds of sandwiches, police the eating of cornflakes and drink your coffee at the same time, someone will MISS A NUTRITIOUS MEAL.

5. If you cannot ponytail your daughter and brush your teeth simultaneously, you're a BEGINNER!

6. If you cannot talk on the phone in your lap, drive the car, tune the radio and break up a fight in the back seat, you are a DANGER on the road. FOCUS!

7. If you cannot cook dinner, bath the kids, empty the garbage bins, lock away the pet ducks, feed the dog, top up your wine glass, listen to husband, and check facebook all at the same time, then GOOD LUCK to you.

Big salute to all the Mummies out there who are making it all look so easy but who are paddling like hell under the water. Respect.

Mum's Birthday

So, today's a bit of a tough one if I'm completely honest.
Today is my mum's birthday.
Or it would have been, she would have been 68.

My beautiful Mum left this world nearly 17 months ago. And the hole she left isn't getting any smaller. In fact on dates-of-note, its a big old gaping hole of sadness, and memories, and loneliness.

I think being a not-very-old mum myself when she passed away, it really pulled the rug out from under me. I never really realized how constantly she was holding my hand. No matter how far apart we lived, I could always pick up the phone and just double check her opinion on the kids cough, or the recipe for bologniase, or the score on the footy. (Or the spelling for bolognase....??)

My mum was no bridge-playing, grey-haired knitter. No sir, she was no gentle granny who baked apple pie's. My mum was a champagne loving, trivia addict with a penchant for perfection and the life of the party. She was completely unique, and she thought everything my sister and I did was fantastic. She never missed an opportunity to tell us how proud she was. She loved her family with all her heart and its really really conspicuous that she is gone.

I know there are a bunch of us feeling fragile about Robyn today, but I thought it better to give her a place and celebrate her today, cause she only LOVED a celebration! She'd be ironing the linen napkins as we speak... So raise a glass for my mum, or your mum today and do what you can to avoid the big C, cause it is a right Fucker.

Love you Ma.