A sign from above .... or below??

So, I am standing at my kitchen sink tonight, doing, like, the fifth batch of dishes today, and I'm increasingly starting to grind my teeth, and slam stuff in to the dish drainer.

I think, if you haven't already picked up on this, you should know that I am no domestic goddess, and I am no housekeeping diva. There is not enough prescription medication or wine in the world to make me enjoy the uphill tasks involved in being a Stay at Home Mum. 

I love my kids and my husband with every molecule and every fiber of my being. But I hate the rest.

It makes me bitter and angry and irritable. I am rubbish at it because I loathe it.
There. I said it.

Am I the only one who feels this way? AM I?????

Anyways....
I am standing at the sink tonight and I have just hurled my radio into the bin because the reception is so shit, I can no longer stand it's company. (I am not crazy, this has been building for years....)

Mr 4 walks in to the kitchen. A tiny little blonde weedy fella, in his red undies.

I stop slamming.

Obviously.

He says "Mum, whats that bird that goes Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............?

Me: Whats that mate?

Mr 4: What's that bird that goes Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............?

Me: I'm not sure what you mean mate.....

Miss 6 (knower of all) passes by the door: He means the crickets

Me: Oh. Right. The crickets. They aren't birds.They are insects, like grasshoppers.

And I realize they are going crazy outside, as the sun sets. I hadn't heard them.

Too busy breaking stuff I s'pose......

Mr 4: Oh, right they sound like grasshoppers cause they're ARE grasshopper's! (And off he goes....)

And I look skyward and I realize that I have been sent a reality check. From above. Or from three feet below eye level....

The mental conundrum I suffer is this: I am in a hate - hate relationship with ALOT of stuff in day to day life, but I am very fuckin' spiritual.
And I am way and beyond when it comes to giving my babies love, care and attention.
I answer about 90% of the 6 billion questions thrown at me every day.
And I hug and kiss and smell my children as much as they'll let me.

I GET mindfulness. I understand being in the moment. Just, sometimes, silly shit gets in the way of what's important.

I have heard people tell me that you should slow down and enjoy your kids cause they arent little forever. And you know what?
Annoyingly, its true.

Little men in red undies and grasshoppers says its so.

Paper Vs Kindling

So, I just finished reading my first electronic book.

I was resistant, I don't mind telling you. The less technology in my life the better if I'm honest.
Technology and its out-of-control advancements make me feel dirty. Its a slippery slope to never having to think or interact with flesh and blood humans.
But that's just me, I can be a bit of a drama queen when it comes to the end of humanity as we know it.....

But I digress....

So in a great twist of irony, the book I read was really, really enjoyable.
I have read it before and it has always stayed with me. You know the type.
And I was convinced by the resident techno-holic (and the fractional price) to read it a-la-kindle.

Well, it took me two months to read it.
TWO MONTHS.
It wasn't Ulysses.
Or Shantaram.
Why did it take so long?
Glad you asked.....

10  REASONS I WONT BE SWAPPING PAPER FOR KINDLING: (this was supposed to be a list of 5, but I just couldn't stop....)

1. The log in process robs me of precious reading time. You know those priceless two minutes when you're hiding behind you bedroom door in the morning, shouting to your kids that you're getting in the car and leaving RIGHT NOW, but actually you're quickly devouring the last page of the chapter you couldn't finish last night?
Well by the time I have logged in and loaded, those special moments are gone up in a puff of potential radio activity......

2. I am paranoid that I am giving my kids the impression that I am having extended periods of screen time. Especially when we are all together, you know together, but doing our own thing. I think reading should be encouraged in all aspects of daily life - I allow reading over a cereal bowl, when the lights are supposed to be out at night, in the bath, on the swing, in the car. Pretty much any time. But sitting on a computer in these situations is just plain rude and ghastly. I found myself telling my kids repeatedly that I was reading a book, and even showing them..."Look, guys, Mummy is reading a BOOK". Though they didn't seem to care: "That's nice, Mum...."

3. Books don't have graphics cards which need upgrading right when the very rare and beautiful Golden Hour strikes (aka. kids are happy in front of a movie on a hot afternoon and mummy switches on the fan and lies down with a book).

4. Kids cant make the words on a paper book disappear into thin air whilst searching sneakily for games..... of which there are NONE!!! ITS A BOOK DAMMIT!!!!!!
Well, they probably can, but my two are old enough to not throw a book in to the toilet or cut it up with scissors. (Sadly, not the case when Miss 6 got hold of my 1966 copy of  'Catcher in the Rye' a few years ago....)

5. You cant fill an eight foot high book shelf with a Kindle. I am a book hoarder. I love my books, I love to keep them - when I lend them I want them back. I have multiple copies of some books, even Ulysses, which I will probably never read. I love looking at them, buying them, borrowing them, owning them, talking about them. I wish I could afford to buy more. And more and more. My novels and other paper treasures are my most prized possessions.
You know, after my family 'n stuff.

6. I cant read the e-reader outdoors because of the reflection. If you cant read at the pool in the summer, what's the point?

7. I cant read it in the bath, which is my most favourite thing to do - its just dangerous. Especially when there's a sneaky little glass of wine involved.

8. It needs to be plugged in which creates a safety hazard trailing across the kitchen floor (aka, my office).

9. You cant easily just flick back to check one little detail quickly - it takes like, five minutes for the stupid thing to "think" about flipping back.... Paper books don't try to be clever.

10. Book shops. If you don't understand this, then you probably have a Kindle.

Happy Reading my fellow Chaotics, Any way you can!

Happy New-ish Year!

Hello Fellow Chaotics!

Happy new-ish year to you all, I hope you are recovering nicely from cyclone Christmas Season.

Of course right on the back of the cyclone came tornado New-Year and the low weather system we seem to be experiencing: typhoon School-Holidays and of course the painful heat wave also known as a Heatwave!

Not complaining though, Love Summer, Love School Holidays, Love Summer, Love School Holidays....Love them.

Most of the time.

So are you all getting trim, fit, healthy and spiritual as hell for your new year resolutions? Yeah me too. Its hard though, at a time of the year when its socially acceptable to drink champagne every lunch time and eating has nothing to do with hunger.... And its too hot to move.

As for becoming spiritual as hell, I have made a bit of a resolution - lame, I know. I am endeavoring to be..... ready? Less chaotic.

You know:  roll with the punches, take it as it comes, let it go, be cool.
But maybe that's what got me into the chaos dilemma in the first place....

I am resolving to be more mindful, focussed, less stressy, less shouty and more smiley.
Shut up, I can totally do it.
I just need to find me a quiet chalet on a mountain top in remote Switzerland and POOF, calm and composed.
Ah, who am I kidding.

All jokes aside, I am seriously focusing on making this year count for me as a person though, you know what I mean?
Less time spent worrying about my role as a mother, wife, housefrau, more time freaking out - I mean, working on the individual me. Ive got a few ideas to grow and better myself, so LOOK OUT!

Happy Newish Year beautiful readers, I hope you all feel terrific today.
Love!